paranoid in your sleep
a Wash+Epsilon FST
[ download ]
[ 8tracks ]
album art by bozuckerman@tumblr (source)
Airbase // Anamanaguchi
[ instrumental ]
Wash knows that something isn't right at Project Freelancer, and every night when he goes to sleep he can't help but feel those lurking suspicions creep into the forefront of his mind -- but at the end of the day, naive as he might be, he tries to be a good soldier, to follow orders. That's what he's here for.
Blue Lips // Regina Spektor[lyrics]
he stumbled into faith and thought / "god, this is all there is" / the pictures in his mind arose / and began to breathe
And then comes Epsilon. Wash feels a tangled mess of screaming images unfold in his mind, memories that aren't his -- memories of what they've done.
Somnambulistic // Information Society[lyrics]
some say i'm a narcoleptic / some say i'm somnambulistic / i'll dream of you tonight / i'll dream of you tonight
After the implantation, sleep doesn't come easy for Wash. When he closes his eyes, all he sees is the host of memories that aren't his, and when he dreams, he sees the face of a woman he's never known.
Beautiful Machine Parts 1&2 // Apples in Stereo[lyrics]
paranoid in your sleep / and you have no voice / silently / paranoid in your sleep and you try to speak
Epsilon digs deep in his mind, feels him out and hangs on tight, and there's no separating him from Wash's mind, not when Wash can make so much sense of the borrowed memories as though they were his own.
Who's Gonna Save My Soul // Gnarls Barkley[lyrics]
and maybe it's a little selfish / all i have is the memory / yet i never stopped to wonder / was it possible you were hurtin worse than me?
As much as they might be inextricably linked, Epsilon knows that Wash doesn't understand -- he doesn't understand that Epsilon is slowly unraveling, that he needs Wash, right up to the moment he finally kills himself in Wash's mind.
Flagpole Sitta // Harvey Danger[lyrics]
put me in the hospital for nerves and then they had to commit me / you told them all i was crazy / they cut off my legs / now i'm an amputee goddamn you
After Epsilon's self-termination, that's it for Wash. They lock him away, let him sit trapped in his own mind. Even if the AI is gone, the damage and the memories remain.
Unwell // Matchbox 20[lyrics]
i'm talking to myself in public / dodging glances on the train / and i know, i know they've been talking about me / i can hear them whisper
They let him out, finally, and Wash swears he's okay, that he can get the job done, but everybody still looks at him like he's crazy. Nobody will take his word for it that he's not.
All I Need Is Everything // Over the Rhine[lyrics]
and you're whispering to me / it's time to get up off my hands and knees / 'cause if i beg for it, it won't come / i find nothing but table crumbs / my hands are empty / god, i've been naive
Echoes of Epsilon's voice still whisper in Wash's mind, sometimes, and now he's done playing for anybody but himself. He'll find Epsilon, and then he'll be free.
Cats Are Not Lucky Creatures // World/Inferno Friendship Society[lyrics]
i want to tell you about crisis after crisis / but i hate to bore you / so i swish my tail about and my snout in indignation / and i landed / and i landed on my feet
Wash is a survivor. If nothing else, he knows that about himself by now. He's fought hard, and come out the other end -- maybe not all in one piece, but he's still standing, somehow.
All These Things That I've Done // The Killers[lyrics]
and when there's nowhere else to run / is there room for one more son / these changes ain't changin me / the cold-hearted boy i used to be
When everything else went to hell, there was always Blue Team. Wash has given up everything in this struggle, given up who he used to be entirely, but they've helped him in more ways than they could possibly realize. And he finds, oddly, that he's all right with that.